so this is lov[ing].

Written some two weeks ago, but nonetheless, still very pertinent.


While snuggling 7-year-old cousin Kendra under my arm, she said this:
"Oh, Dree, I could stand like this for HOURS!"
It made my entire day, and it was definitely needing some help.

Now, I'm writing a paper about the stereotypes pressed upon individuals with special needs, and the sad misperceptions so many people have about who they are and what they can and cannot do. I could write the entire 5-7 pages [due tomorrow at 8 AM] on how they can impact your life, if you only give them the time of day - or a piece of your heart. It's a research paper, so I have to do a fair amount of informative explanation and quoting from scholarly sources, but my own passion for the subject - no - the people - will lead me on.

"We all want to be loved -- we all want to be liked -- This love has saved my life" 

-Kevin Yap, Bring Me Hope: Love Delivery: A collection for the orphans [and the suppressed].

It is weird: these kids listen to me [almost] at the drop of a hat, because I'm older than they, and do what I say because I'm their teacher; yet, I don't feel much older than them at all. I remember that time so clearly. Maybe, because I have so many cousins their age, who are -semi- peers. Equals, at least, in the grand scheme of things. And now I'm supposed to be their boss and tell them what they can and cannot do - oh, it's a funky shift.

I'd like to be saying goodnight, but that won't be happening for a few hours, sadly
[it didn't.]

One Glorious Weekend

Spinning, laughing,

dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone

'Sleepless, long nights...'

Finished HUGE math test at 11:00 PM.

Begin English paper (due at 9 AM tomorrow morning) at midnight.

grab cottage cheese tub from the fridge as study food.

Finally get online portal to work at 1:00 AM.

play in the sprinkling rain from 1:15-1:17:30 AM.

Start writing paper at 1:30 AM.

have brilliant idea to write a blog about it at 1:33 AM.

write blog at 1:35 AM.

continued writing until who knows when........

..............woke up at 6:15 AM the next morning feeling hungover.

mas o menos

I am exhausted. Utterly and completely, happily and blissfully, worn out!

I couldn't believe I had to go back to "normal" life. It's so humdrum.

Sitting in math class, still not learning anything. I had Happy Hands and EDC today, and my kids missed me! I missed them, too. When I walked in, they all came running up and attacked me with love and hugs. Very sweet. I've been thinking, "That was it. I was in Autumn's wedding. She's married. To a husband. And she and Ryan are in Hawaii. Together. Enjoying all Kauai, a Penthouse Suite and a honeymoon have to offer." Trying to get my head around that has been one puzzling ordeal!

The zillions of pictures from the wedding on Facebook are so, so fun to see! Natalie said she wants to tape record me looking at them. Apparently my laughter, cries and commentary are very entertaining.

It's really neat to see how many people were blessed, or at least affected, by the Swindoll's (whow) marrying.

my sister is a wife.

10.10.10.

my feet hurt.
our fridge is jammed full of amazing yummy food.
the top little cake, grapes galore, lots of desserts, scones,
rehearsal dinner italian. lots of cheese. lots of fruit.
lots of really delicious stuff i haven't allowed myself to have for weeks.
i lost 10 pounds for this wedding.
i am a sister in law.
i have a new brother.
i have not lost a sister, or at least not for long.
the timing of the wedding was perfect. to the dot of the schedule.
70 helpers.
yes, 40 of those are my cousins. ages 24 to 14 months.
10 servers, in pretty aprons mom slaved over for weeks and weeks.
they were such gracious, giving, competent help.
i didn't shed a tear the entire day.
i secretly wish i had; during my toast, walking down the aisle,
dad walking autumn down the aisle, or even at their dance.
tears are romantic. and beautiful.
i cried a lot yesterday. with autumn.
and heartfelt and a connexion.
i leave at 2:55 tomorrow afternoon, and go back to regular life.
the most momentous day in autumn's life just occurred,
and i have to leave home and do life regularly again.
WHY?
i am now the only sister.
ryan takes care of autumn now.
now, mommy and daddy are the caretakers of solely me.
i am the only on awake in this house full of 12 people.
ryan and my hands are the same size.
autumn's, too.
we're all sevens.
his ring fit on my ring finger.
that would be awkward.
i put Ry's ring on my left middle before the ceremony,
but halfway through i realized it had gotten stuck.
on my finger.
it was really hot.
and i was holding this monstrous bouquet.
with discreet-ness,
i gracefully yanked it off and stuck it on top of my purity ring,
which i had changed to my right ring finger instead of my left,
so nobody would even have the slightest thought that i was not single.
i caught the bouquet.
oh my goodness, i caught the bouquet.
the bouquet is in a vase in my room.
it's adorable.
how perfect is it that i catch the bouquet in the bouquet toss
at my sister's wedding,
that i'm maid of honor in.
and dude, i was frantically looking for
the toss bouquet fractions of a minute before she threw it:
my heels were strewn to the side of my table,
so i clambered barefoot through the little rocks and oak leaves to fetch it from its
handy water vase behind the canyon creekbed, right behind autumn's seat,
exactly where it should be.
and i handed it to autumn.
and ran and threw my shoes on as i was heading out to
stand in the middle of the dance floor.
i put my hands up.
and blinked the very instant she threw it.
that was dumb, i thought.
and next thing i knew,
i feel this thing squishing into my hands.
it is super soft.
and cassi and allison, two of my dearest friends, have a few fingers on it.
but both of my hands are totally and completely wrapped around the flowers.
they laugh and smile huge at me and say 'its all yours!!'
and dude, how perfect it was:
--it was all mine, it's my only sister's wedding,
and i'm maid of honor.
maybe i really will be next, like i said in my speech.
maybe i should blink more often.
though i was not first, oh dang i could be next.
WHO?
no thanks.
i don't want to know.
miss independent here is staking her clame on noone.
AND she has proven that she does not need a man, or his arm, to
help her walk down a grassy slope in front of 200 people.
in heels.
by herself.
nope.
she does it by herself.
and then very happily takes the best man's arm
and walks up the aisle with him
when its all over.
good thing Justin's such a gentleman, or else i might have fallen off
of the rocks. in my heels. onto my face. oh, what a scene.
phew.
but, we traversed the rock outcropping up to its scaliest heights,
and therefure led the rest of thre bridal party to do the same.
the groomsmen really did their job well.
the getaway car, cute little teddy roma the red tacoma / ted / Ryan's car,
was decorated quite nicely.
and quite cleanly, too.
surprising.
and Justin, what was that verse you had in mind?
best man and maid of honor: to the rescue.
you kept it clean, and i kept it under 4 minutes.
we are a bomb team.
and they were totally personal.
and made everyone cry.
that was fun, wasn't it?
thanks, Kim. you're a trooper.

who was the blonde, tatooed one on Ry's side? or the dark one, sitting next to him?
they caught my eye.
or, my---me---caught their eye.
my eyes saw their eyes staring at my eyes.
lets hope it was my eyes.
comment:
my face did not feel like it was about to split.
at all.
good thing. that would not have been pleasant.
my face did not split from a fall on the rock
[Ryan's finger already had that one covered]
nor from an over-smiling reactant disorder.

my face was radiating, you say?
thank you, that's really kind.
i do believe it was,
for my smile was not posed.
not for one minute.
i am so happy.
"i could not have asked for a better man for my sister"
it's 1 AM on Autumn and Ryan's wedding day.

va-va-voom.

how awesome for them.

hawaii.

kauai.

penthouse suite.

ocean.

beach.

"a good 12 days".

delightful.

half the suitcase.

oooh baby...er,

not.

no neices and nephews quite yet.

i need to pay rent. it is now late.

does it count that my landlords were at the wedding?!

i was in my dress for 11 hours today.
and in my shoes for 6.
3 inch heels. thick ones, cute ones. comfy ones.
but not for 6 hours.
thus,
my feet hurt.
and i'm going to bed.
on my hard mattress.
that's not even really mine.
on the bed, that's cleared.
i haven't seen it since i moved in august.
i have been home since then,
it's just been covered stock full in wedding stuff.
it wasnt even 'adria's room' anymore.
it had become known as 'the wedding room'.
that's great, huh?
here's your room, and here's mom and dad's couch.
and aunt Jeanne probably has lunch. probably.
and they (Jeanne and my landlord) fed us lunch today!
but that was planned.
it was delicious, although i didn't get to eat very much,
which was extremely sad for me.
when i realized it later.
although i definitely sneaked some in between the pictures and ceremony.
then Justin called 'adria!' 'adria!' all over the house.
apparently, it was time to be announced for tea.
so, we were perfectly on time
(in the fashion of the day)
and i on his arm,
we waltzed into the reception area.
and voila, there were our seats.
and his guest.
and my brothers.
so you see, i really do want it.
just not now.
not yet.
not quite.
but sometime.
that's for certain.
with all of my soul.
and so,
i will be content to not wait
around until my Ryan comes along.
I will...we'll see what i do.
all sorts of things.
all sorts of life.
all sorts of joy-
and adventure
and excitement
and travel
and thinking
and sharing
and caring-
and loving.
loving.
love.
"all because two people fell in love"
-mighty fast.

10.10.10.

New Beginnings

Hello!

I have not blogged in a long, long time.

So much has happened since my last post! I haven't cared to blog about it until now,

but you'll get a pretty good synopsis by viewing the last few months' facebook statuses.

Most importantly, I moved to Chico!

I love it here.

Natalie and I have been here for over a month and a half, and are pretty well settled in.

Classes started two weeks into our stay here, and have been keeping me busier than I had expected. I left home on the night of Friday, August 6, and headed to the Palmer's house in Apple Valley for the big send off the next morning. After much dispute, the traveling party consisted of Grandpa, Grandma, all the Palmers, and me. None of my family; it would have been great fun to have them along, but could not be worked out. It took 8 people, 3 cars and a whole trailer and pickup's worth of belongings to arrive at our final destination, 10 hours later: 1310 Greenwich Dr. The cute little "college cottage" as it had been dubbed, was complete: all four roommates were there!

My new home is settled in a nice track neighborhood right outside of the heart of town. It's relatively quiet, but from Thursday night to Sunday night there's some hard-core partying that goes one. Nicely enough, our cute little house full of girls is situated on a street full of boy houses. Yes, boys. Not men. These boys really like their alcohol. Before school started (and even harder the first few weeks of school) there was a party every night. Every night, from 5-sometime past midnight. Beer pong, loud music and all sorts of foul. (I sound like a 90 year old when I say that, but it has substance and a well-founded accuracy, I assure you!) More on them, later.

The girls are:

Natalie, 20 1/2-cousin and actual room-mate

Megan, 19 1/2

Anna, 19 1/4

We are all very different and live our lives differently, but have been working out our differences and idiosyncrasies as best we can.

It is fun living in a house of my own.

I have really enjoyed being able to cook for myself, set up a nice kitchen, decorate, and have my own "area" at least, of the room. Natalie and I share the master bedroom, and it has been a great thing. We don't mind being around each other almost constantly, and our belongings fit well together. She has all dark wood furniture, like cherry and I have happened upon all lighter woods, like oak and pine. It's a nice set-up. She's got one side of the room and I the other. The bathroom is a nice size and there's a little walk in and rolling door closet. We split both. It's a very comfortable fit for the both of us, I think.

There's a little lawn in the back and a nice sized one in front, which Megan and I take turns mowing. I'm going to plant some Shasta Daisies and Sweet Peas in front and back, and there's already a pretty Sterling Silver rosebush on our front walk. The vine by the front door goes a little crazy and tries to take over the siding (and all who pass by), so I'm going to try and tackle that, as well as the four huge cactus in the back.

Here's a run-through of my weekly schedule:

Mondays and Fridays:

6:10-wake up, get ready for the day.

7-prep 3 egg whites, 1/2 cup oatmeal and 1/2 cup frozen blueberries for both of us.

8-English class

9:30-I do homework in the library or outside until...

10:30-Natalie picks me up from Butte Chico campus, after she finishes her math class at Butte main campus.

11-eat 10 almonds and a small fruit. We're always famished after class.

12:30-Lunch. 1/2 cup beans or brown rice or quinoa. 4 ounces lean protein: chicken, or salmon. Unlimited vegetables.

2-snack. 1/2 cup cottage cheese or 2 low fat string cheese.

3-5 or 6-EDC.

Extended Day Care at CCS. Chico Christian School. I love it! The kids are precious, and so are my coworkers. I'm learning a lot and being loved on even more.

-Natalie picks me up from EDC. Depending on the time, she's made dinner for us and brought me my portion in a tupperware container: 4 ounces lean protein, an unlimited amount of usually cooked vegetables.

6:30-WORKOUT! Our road to fabulous, that's definitely not easy, but pretty darn simple. (also on Fridays)

7:45-home from workout. Eat a little protein and veggies.

8-?-Who knows what.

Tuesdays and Thursdays:

Breakfast.

I often have breakfast made for Nan when she comes back from her Math class at about 10:30.

Lunch.

2-3-Happy Hands.

I teach Sign Language to 18, 2nd and 3rd graders at CCS. 14 2nds and 4 3rds. My precious little cousin Kendra Johnson is in the class, too. I love it! Lesson planning is hard and completely undesirable, but the kids' eagerness and ability to pick up a language so quickly keeps me going. Oh, and the excellent pay. My students are so cute and getting so good, after only 2 weeks! A few EDC kids are in it, as well. It's special seeing them through two different eyes and in turn, they, me.

3-5 or 6: EDC. (This is Fridays, too)

Dinner.

7-9:30-Math class. Disgusting. 2 1/2 hours of Math I hardly understand. I have to eat something or drink something during it in order to stay awake. I think, though, that that goes for all of us in it.

It's a Butte class, but is on the Chico State campus. Love that. Chico's only like, 3 minutes away from the house, so I could bike when the nights are lighter. When they're dark, no way in the world I'm going to walk more than a few blocks to meet Natalie at our usual spot behind the Mansion.

10-?-who knows what.

Sundays, Natalie and I have chosen Chico EV Free to be our home church. We love it! The teaching is excellent, and the worship is so rich. they've made us feel so at home--I'm pretty sure they all have the gift of hospitality. We've already met with the junior high pastor for Natalie to work with the youth, and I'm in touch with the children's ministry director.

You might have noticed (or even started to count) a few 'we's". Yep--Natalie and I sure do a lot together. She's the one with the car, so that adds a lot of time together right there, but we're both on the same regimented nutrition plan and workout schedule, almost identical class schedule, same church, same friends and family...it really is lovely. We haven't tired of each other! And we even still love each other. How's that for fabulous?!

I have an entire list to "blog" about, but I'll leave that for another time.

For now, I hope you have a good week.

Pictures of the new place will be posted soon.

It's two weeks until I'm a sister-in-law!!!!!!

Impassioned

Miss Marianne Dashwood: my newest inspiration.

I watched the newer BBC version of Sense and Sensibility last night, and fell wholly in love.

Marianne is the second daughter of three, and has notions that are far ahead of her time and her age. She wears a scarf on her head and has hair to match her personality. She is sixteen, and just moved to a cottage on the ocean. She falls head first into love with the man who rescued her from the rain and imminent sickness on the hillside after she has fallen and sprained her ankle. She and her younger sister get caught in the rain, because Marianne wanted to see the countryside. Who should come and find her in her distress but--the dashing Mr. Willoughby himself. In one motion, he sweeps her into his arms and into his heart. He is charming, experienced, delightful, and entirely unconventional--for this Marianne lets her passion fly.

We all know the story. Ends up, Willoughby leaves on short notice, Marianne is desperately hopeless without her lover, and althewhile, the older sister finds out he went off and impregnated another girl. Marianne sees him again and knows nothing, only that she wants to be with him. She hears of this, and after nights of tears and days of sadness, she uses her better judgement and rids her life of him. Mr. Wonderful--the always-in-the-background-waiting Colonel Brandon steps in and shows her a steady, respectable love. Miss Dashwood returns his love and 'they all live happily ever after'.

So what do we all love so much about Mr. Willoughby? After all, isn't he the one who broke the good girl's heart and left another with child? Oh yes--that's the one. And yet, he is still the intriguer, the romantic, the passionate, the one we all wish we had. He steals our hearts and our good sense all in the same, and yet we fall for him. Do away with the gentleman everyone loves and respects. I want the one who is a little risky; 'little rough-around-the-edges; mysterious. What's the fun without excitement and adventure? No thanks, I'll take my own breed of male, not the one destined to me since birth. Goodbye Mr. Steady, Hello Visionary.

Not. Mm...yes. That's what my heart is dictating to my brain; the brain to the heart, though--well, that's a little tougher. 'I wants nights full of passion, days of adventure, no strings--just warm, summer rain. And then I thought'...what about a family? What about children, a home, friends? Where is commitment and responsibility in that way of life--how would we ever manage to lead a life worth replicating? To duplicate myself, I must become someone who sets a standard of what is good and what is wrong. This I can not do on my own--such as it is, I desire someone who works on a whim and is adventurous--who I really need, though, is probably someone more compliant than contumacious.

Maybe, just maybe, there's somebody whose passion is indelible and virtue unforgettable. Henceforth goes the journey.